In most cultures, it’s traditional to have a funeral when you pass away. However, some people feel more comfortable with the idea of not having one. If this is the case for you, you might worry about whether it’s the right decision. You may also be unsure what your options are if you choose not to have a funeral. Below, we take a look at what to consider when making your decision, what alternatives are available, and how to proceed without a traditional funeral.
Can I not have a funeral?
It’s perfectly acceptable to not have a funeral. There’s no legal requirement for you to have one — it’s up to you how you’d like to be memorialized. There are a range of other choices available, such as a direct cremation, an ash-spreading ceremony at a memorial tree, or an ash scattering ceremony in a meaningful place. On the other hand, you might feel more comfortable with not having any kind of funeral service.
Reasons for choosing not to have a funeral
There are several reasons why people opt not to have a funeral. Here are a few common ones.
- Forgoing the costs of a funeral
A traditional funeral can end up being very expensive. As well as the fees for the funeral home, cemetery or crematorium, there are additional costs such as the flowers, casket, and headstone, which can all add up. You can either arrange and pay for your funeral in advance, or your family will cover the costs when you pass away. Some people would prefer to spend that money in other ways — like gifting the money to your family so they can take a trip together in your memory.
- Avoiding religious customs
Funerals are often religious ceremonies or have religious aspects. Some people feel that this isn’t important to them — and others may actively avoid having a religious element to their memorial. For example, if you don’t believe in the afterlife then a traditional funeral might not feel right for you, as this is a focus of religious ceremonies.
- Would prefer a celebration of life
Some people dislike the somber nature of funerals and prefer the idea of a joyful event that celebrates the life they’ve led. You might ask your friends and family to arrange a less formal event where people are invited to wear bright colors and share fond memories of your life.
Is it wrong not to have a funeral?
A common worry is that choosing not to have a funeral is wrong or immoral. Sometimes this is due to what’s deemed as socially acceptable or what’s expected in your culture. However, it is a personal decision, and you should do what feels right for you.
Although it’s your choice, you might want to consider how it could affect your friends and family. A funeral provides a chance for loved ones to mourn. If you decide not to have a funeral, perhaps discuss this with your family and see whether there’s another way that they would like to mourn and remember you.
Can you not have a funeral and still memorialize your life?
A funeral is not the only way to remember someone after they pass away. Today there are many alternatives to having a traditional funeral — you can find some ideas in our blog post 6 popular funeral alternatives. You might feel that one of these fits in more with who you are as a person and how you would like to be remembered. Or you might simply be happy for your friends and family to arrange their own informal gathering and raise a glass to you and your life.
How to not have a funeral
If you do decide against having a funeral, it’s a good idea to let people know. That way, your family will be prepared and can honor your wishes when you do pass away. You should also still make arrangements for your burial or cremation in advance, as well as for any alternative memorial service you have decided on. Making plans and including information about them in your end-of-life documents ensures that your wishes will be carried out. It also takes the financial and organizational burden away from your loved ones when you pass away. You can find more information about what you need to arrange in our end-of-life planning guide.